Not That Shocking
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: Skwisgaar hasn't felt comfortable spending time alone with Toki ever since the events of Doomstar Requiem, but with a few drinks and the dark part of a bar he finds himself feeling a bit more comfortable.
1. Chapter 1

It was the first time for what felt like years since the two of them had spent time like this together. Ever since what happened with Magnus, the nineteen months Toki had been missing; Skwisgaar had binged on liquor and drugs. He had tried to forget his friend had ever existed in the first place, but it had seemed an impossible thing to do. It had been three months since the incident and out of guilt Skwisgaar couldn't bring himself to be alone with the other guitarist. This was the first time they had been to themselves though, originally all five had gone out drinking as a group, but somewhere along the way they all went their own ways through the night. By two or three hours in Toki and Skwisgaar ended up sitting by themselves in a corner in the back of the bar, in a dimly lit area practically vacant except for the two of them. They sat side by side a small amount of distance between them, they talked casually between drawn out moments of silence. Skwisgaar would scan the bar for the others, he spotted Murderface at one point; hanging out at the bar and desperately trying to get with a woman in a tight purple tank top.

"Does he ever get laid?" Toki asked shaking his head, the two watched until the woman slapped the bassist hard across the face before turning on her heels and leaving.

"Apparently not" Skwisgaar commented smirking, he turned his attention back to Toki.

"I don't think any of us are as lucky as you."

The older man laughed, he tried to think the last time he had a one night stand. It had been awhile, he hadn't thought about it all too much lately. Strange now that he thought about it. He found himself having trouble really making eye contact with the younger man, guilt stayed pooled in his stomach along with another emotion he couldn't really understand but the alcohol was pushing it further up his body.

They drank more, mostly sticking to whiskey.

"You played really good tonight Toki"

The younger man smiled shyly, he looked away his hair falling over his face.

"Yeah I guess, but not as good as you." He said the words he had heard Skwisgaar tell him a million times.

"No, but very close."

Skwisgaar didn't really notice that he was brushing Toki's hair out of his face and back behind his ear. The brunette looked up at him, Skwisgaar felt the constricting feeling in his chest when he looked into his eyes. His right eye was paler, a slowly but surely fading scar going from his eyebrow down to beneath his now mostly blinded eye. It had taken some time to readjust, to learn how to play and to just generally go about like normal with what was wrong with his eye. He had gotten injured badly back in that place, had gotten very sick from going without his medications; Gods knew how he had survived at all. Skwisgaar felt odd looking into his eyes, having him look up at him like that. The look he gave him that night, the savior look; Skwisgaar hardly realized his fingers were lightly brushing against his heated cheek. He didn't notice how the were now sitting as close as they could in the booth.

"I'm sorry" He found himself whispering, voice choked.

Toki took hold of his hand removing it from his face, he studied the older man's hand turning it over in his own. He traced his fingertips along his palm.

"It's okay, I'm not mad...I trusted Magnus a lot, I thought if he was so bad you wouldn't let me be friends with him."

His words hurt even if he didn't mean for them to. When the younger man pressed his lips against the palm of his hand the heat he felt was like fire. Those eyes locked on him, hair trying to fall over his face again.

"I should have done something"

Without wanting to he remembered watching as Toki had been stabbed, remembered hearing Magnus telling him it'd be okay.

"It's fine" Toki whispered, another sad smile.

Skwisgaar pulled his hand from his friend, he found himself running his fingers back through his hair though. He felt the guilt in his chest, but the other feeling was there too; it was causing his chest to hurt and his heart to beat faster. He just wanted to keep touching him.

"I was a dick, we all were; I should have done something, not wait for some dildos to find you. I'm sorry"

Toki smiled again, possibly more genuine than he had for the longest time now.

"I forgive you Skwis"

The following morning was what they all called hang over day. Nobody wanted to get out of bed, but they somehow ended up doing so anyway. If they could help it they wouldn't get up until around four or five in the afternoon; Pickles would be the first one up and the first to start drinking again. Nathan would follow, on a normal day Toki would be third, then Skwisgaar, and eventually somebody would haul Murderface's ass out of bed whether he liked it or not. This day was different though; Nathan, Pickles, and Murderface sat in the living room watching TV to see what crap they missed that they really didn't give a fuck about. They gave it an hour before finally bringing it up.

"Did Toki and Skwisgaar come home or they stay out?" Pickles asked looking at his band mates.

"I think they came back before us, fucking don't know. I didn't really keep track of them." Nathan answered.

They had the new habit of trying to keep an eye out on the rhythm guitarist, it was reasonable enough. They all knew Skwisgaar had been the one in charge of doing that even if he had seemed hesitant about the task, but had agreed.

"Dude they usually get up before Murderface's fat ass."

"Ugh fuck we'll go check"

The three men got up and went first to Toki's room expecting to find the younger man passed out or working on some project. Instead they found the room empty, they exchanged confused and just slightly worried glances. They went on to Skwisgaar's room expecting to just find a reason as to where their rhythm guitarist was at. When they opened the door the three of them stood there shocked and not sure what to do. On the large bed was both of their guitarists, naked; both sat on the middle of the bed holding onto each other and kissing in a way you'd expect from hormonal teenagers and not grown men. They broke apart when they heard the footsteps of their friends. Skwisgaar's eyes widened, he got off of the bed nearly falling.

"Holy shit" Murderface said sounding either like he was going to bitch or just laugh at the two men.

Skwisgaar searched for his pants finding them by the window, he tried to pull them on as quickly as he could nearly falling. Toki pulled the blanket up over his face muttering to himself in Norwegian.

"This isn't what it looks like, seriously." The blond haired man tried explaining.

"Uh it looks like you guys were making out like really pathetic teenagers." Pickles said raising an eyebrow amused by how spastic his band mates were.

Toki had given up on hiding his face and flopped back on the bed blushing and staring up at the ceiling. Skwisgaar finally managed to get his jeans on, he found Toki's pants in the other corner of the room and tossed them at the younger man.

"Dude it's cool if you're like...Y'know, it's not that fucking shocking." Nathan said shrugging, he wasn't sure what to say.

He felt less awkward when both men had their pants on though.

"Holy shit you guys are gay"

"am not" Both men responded glaring at the bassist.

"Dudes it's cool, we'll just go and you love birds can get on with whatever the fuck this mess is." Pickles said before guiding his other two friends out of the room leaving the Scandinavians to themselves.

When the door closed Skwisgaar fell back onto the bed covering his face with his hands, he only moved when he felt Toki's body against his side. He wrapped an arm around the younger man's waist allowing him to bury his face against his side so they could spend the next hour trying to figure out how they could go around their friends without being too embarrassed.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning after had initially been as awkward as it could be, Toki had woken before Skwisgaar. He remembered what had happened, if the hickies on his neck didn't remind him enough that was. He looked over at the sleeping lead guitarist who sported his own bite and scratch marks from the night they had shared together. It had been nice, very, very nice; it had been something desperately needed and something he'd thought about for more years than he'd feel comfortable admitting. He did figure though that Skwisgaar wouldn't be so passionate and caring in the morning, figured he would be angry and regretful. As painful as it was he told himself that the older man hadn't meant the words he'd told him, the things he'd whispered in his ear. He wanted to...Just it was hard, people were nice when they wanted something, but then it ended after they got that. Skwisgaar had felt bad, he'd been drunk, and from what Toki knew hadn't been doing his usual routine of one night stands as of late. He just needed to make himself feel better, the younger man appreciated getting something, but didn't want to hurt himself by staying around. He got up off of the bed as quietly as he could, his head and everything else had a dull throb.

"Where you going?" A tired voice asked from behind him.

He froze, standing there too scared and just slightly ashamed to turn and look the older man in the eye.

"um I'm going, I know we shouldn't have done that, and I won't tell no one."

He knew this speech, he knew it just like every other thing between them.

"Come back to bed idiot."

This time he did turn around to face him, Skwisgaar sat in the middle of the bed looking up at him.

"Why?"

"It's fucking cold and I don't want you to go."

Toki got back onto the bed crawling over to his friend. Skwisgaar wrapped his arms around his waist pulling the younger man close to him. The warmth of another body was nice, he liked being physically close to other people. He liked when he didn't have to be hurt, drunk off his ass, or basically begging for somebody to just touch him in any way platonic or otherwise.

He released a quiet moan when Skwisgaar kissed him, a gentle hand on the back of his head, and long fingers curling themselves in his tangled mess of brown hair. He placed his hands on the older man's shoulders, touching him; he wanted to touch him as much as Skwisgaar had craved touching him the night before. They continued to kiss, it was desperate and needy just like before.

"Did you mean anything you said?"

He wasn't sure why he asked, he felt stupid for it. Hell he just needed to know, he was tired of being disowned and lied to.

"Yeah, I'm not that much of a dick Toki" He responded rolling his eyes at the younger man's question.

"So you..." He trailed off looking away.

He thought about the way the older man had moaned into his ear, confessing he loved him. He confessed a lot, things he normally seemed to just keep to himself. It made Toki feel like he should offer as many secrets, but he didn't have any he thought the older man would like to hear. They would just make him feel worse, guiltier.

"Yeah...I meant that too"

Toki met his eyes again giving a small smile, they kissed. They kept going like that until their friends walked in on them leading to them scrambling to get dressed. After the others had left they lay on the bed together in silence. For some reason Toki expected him to take it all back again, to say he didn't love him, or anything else. People changed often and over anything, especially Skwisgaar. He felt reassured after a too long moment of unknowing silence when the older man turned onto his side in order to face him. He placed a hand upon his cheek his thumb brushing over that stupid scar beneath his eye. Skwisgaar kissed him slowly, gently like reassuring him even if he didn't know why he was doing so. He thought about suggesting that they get up, shower, and get dressed into cleaner clothes. Instead in a few more minutes they were naked again and spending two hours repeating a more sober version of what they had done the night before.


End file.
